


Touch Me Before You're Gone

by kpops_snail



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Comforting Kihyun, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Needy Minhyuk, Panic Attacks, Sad, Sorry its sad lol, Tears, but like lowkey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 13:57:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15887412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpops_snail/pseuds/kpops_snail
Summary: Minhyuk has to touch to know his members are still there, but what happens when he pushes too far//Alternatively, Minhyuk gets told to knock it off and Kihyun realizes just how deep pain can run





	Touch Me Before You're Gone

**Author's Note:**

> HI! I'm really excited to be posting for the first time on AO3! I've been meaning to post something for a while, but I haven't finished something before today. I'm planning on doing more writing soon and hope to hear from you all! Enjoy!

Minhyuk knew he pushed too far. He knew that the touches and the glances and everything in between was bothering the members, but he didn’t know how to keep his hands to himself. Call it a compulsion, call it self-doubt, but to Minhyuk, having his hands on the members meant they were still there. 

Until they weren’t.

It had been a long day. There had been interviews and fanmeets and lots of time the seven men were together. And Minhyuk was simply doing what he always did, messing around here and there. A hand on the thigh, a look in the eyes, even some smacks to the ass, but he couldn’t tell he was pushing too far. 

See long days mean short patience and short fuses. And though he was caring, Kihyun’s was shortest of all. After a grab of his left ass cheek, Kihyun swatted Minhyuk’s hand away with a glare.

Covering his mic, he spoke harshly to the older, “Knock it off, hyung. I’m really not in the fucking mood for your shit today.”

Minhyuk faltered. He kept his outward composure with a small nod and a tight lipped smile, uttering quiet apologies, but he could feel the sudden onslaught of thoughts entering his head.

Fucked it up again Minnie. 

Guess you did it now, pretty boy.

They don’t want you to touch them.

This and others bombarded him, chasing each thought with another before he realized he wasn’t breathing. It was lucky as they were nearing the end of the day, wrapping up the final interview and driving back to the dorms, as Minhyuk knew that the facade he had wouldn’t hold up for much longer.

Now, conflict is a bitch, but even worse is miscommunication. Because in the midst of all this, Minhyuk decided to ignore his messages, not realizing that while he was suffering, KIhyun had already let the moment go and invited all the members to a dinner to unwind after schedules.

As all the members made their way to the restaurant, Minhyuk had found his way back to the dorms only to be met with overwhelming silence. Everywhere. Silence all around him and nothing to hold onto.

Rationally, Minhyuk knew this wasn’t serious. The members were out and doing something. But Minhyuk wasn’t capable of rationality now. Minhyuk was only capable of grasping each item he came in contact with as he fell to his knees in the room he shared with Jooheon and Kihyun. Hands on a stray shirt or stuffed toy he encountered.

His breath grew erratic and uncontrollable, suffocating every cell in his body. He wasn’t aware but his hands began to shake and claw at his skin, cursing him for the touches he claimed his own. Sobs broke through his closing airway as he felt as though he was being strangled. One thought broke through his mind over and over, his tunnel vision blurred even further preventing even the view of the scraped hardwood floor beneath his knees.

You held too tight and broke the only thing you ever had.

Minhyuk’s body wracked with the weight of overwhelming anguish. The loss of all his stability seeping out the pads of his fingers and the tracks of his tears. He rocked back and forth, unable to discern whether he had been breathing or if any time had passed. He was stuck in one continuous moment, consumed by his guilt.

Kihyun noticed the glaring absence the moment six sat down for dinner rather than seven. He fidgeted at the table for several minutes before standing. 

“I know he’s at the dorms and we fought earlier… I should go get him.”

Hyunwoo touched his arm with a soft smile and let the man out of the booth. “Just text us when you’re heading back?”

Kihyun nodded and made his way out onto the street. It wasn’t too cold, but the weather definitely helped him walk briskly back to the dorms, guilt pressing on the back of his neck. He knew he was harsh, but had at least hoped to see his friend at dinner. Minhyuk wasn’t one for grudges and it worried the younger to not hear anything from the other. Truthfully he grew more and more uneasy as he approached the shared dorm.

Approaching the door, Kihyun didn’t hear anything, but as soon as he opened the door, his heart sunk to his stomach. He heard sobs and strangled screaming. Light scuffling was coming from his bedroom and his feet felt heavy as he ran to the door, scrambling for the doorknob.

As soon as the door wrenched open, Kihyun saw Minhyuk look smaller than he’d ever seemed before, running nails up and down his soft arms, face covered in tears he’d shed, looking as though he’d seen every light in his life go out.

Kihyun stumbled from the doorframe to his side, sinking to his knees, reaching apprehensive for his friend. As soon as the contact was made a slew of words streamed from the older’s mouth.

“NO! Nononono, please, please stop, p-please. I, I can’t. I broke them, I broke them and they aren’t coming back. Sto-stop. I’m… I can’t feel anything. Get off of me!” the boy blubbered, rubbing ever furiously at his arms and hands, eyes screwed shut.

Kihyun took his hands away from his body and down to Minhyuk’s hands, pulling either into his own, frantically trying to get anything across to his hyung, fear in his heart.

“Minnie, baby, nothing is broken. I’m here, Minnie. I need you to open your eyes. Minnie… please, baby.”

Kihyun rubbed comforting circles into his hands until he saw frightened eyes returning his gaze, murmurs immediately falling from his mouth.

“Minnie, I’m here. Everyone is ok, we’re all coming back. You aren’t alone. Everything is ok. Baby,” he shuddered out, “baby, can I hold you?”

When Minhyuk’s gaze softened and his arms went limp, Kihyun brought the boy into his hold and brushed circles into his back. His grip didn’t loosen or waver for a good number of minutes, just feeling the boy sob against him, tears pricking his own eyes.

“Baby, I need you to breathe. In and out, so slow for me, okay?” Kihyun pressed his mouth against the shell of Minhyuk’s ear, trying to appear as close as possible.

Feeling Minhyuk shudder beneath him as he slowly stopped his sobbing, drawing one shaking breath in after another, Kihyun held tight to his friend, small tears running tracks down his face.

It didn’t take long for Minhyuk to lay limp and quiet against Kihyun’s solid frame, supported by his hold. With Kihyun’s comforting touches, his consuming fear settled into a dull roar, only tears streaming down his frightened face. He wasn’t really aware of where he was, or what had transpired, only knowing that he was held and that for now the world had mended for one small second.

Kihyun was brought out of his trance though by a sudden vibration in his pocket as he received a call. Without checking to see who was trying to reach him, he slided to answer and brought it to his ear.

“Where are you hyung?! You promised to buy us dinner, but you left us here for an hour. We’ve already eaten but who’s paying, ya?!” Hyungwon whined into his ear, fully aware that he was pouting at the elder.

“Hyungwon,” Kihyun started softly, doing his best not to disturb his hyung below him, “something came up at home. Get Hyunwoo hyung to pay, alright. I’ll pay him back.”

Kihyun could feel the oncoming argument from the younger, so he quickly added on to what he said as discreetly as possible.

“Minnie isn’t well right now, I’m making sure he is. So please be kind when you get home, he needs us to be gentle for now.”

Hoping Hyungwon got the point, he hung up his phone and wrapped his arm back around Minhyuk’s shoulders.

“Baby… I gotta know what’s going on. Okay?” Kihyun spoke softly, avoiding sounding forthcoming or harsh.

Met with whimpers and the beginnings of another sob, Kihyun pulled Minhyuk even closer.

“Minnie, no, no, it’s okay. It’s gonna be ok.”

Kihyun felt MInhyuk adjust slightly below him as he mumbled unintelligibly into the juncture of his shoulder.

Kihyun chuckled lowly as he adjusted the older in his arms. “I can’t hear you baby.”

With another sniffle, Minhyuk started again. “I messed up. I can’t stop pushing everyone away. Y-you all, you all h-hate me.”

Kihyun’s heart shattered. He pressed Minhyuk’s head into the side of his own.

“Hate you baby?” he started weakly, “Now who told you that?”

Minhyuk looked at him with a frown. “No one had to tell me, I know you do. I’m, I’m too touchy, and annoying and wrong. I’d be more surprised if you didn’t hate me”

Kihyun knew what had gone wrong. He knew in the pit of his stomach this was his fault and that he couldn’t do anything but apologize until the older knew just how much he loved him.

“Minnie, just because I snapped at you today? You think… you think I hate you?”

“It-it’s okay, hyung. I understand. I’m so sorry for breaking you, I know I shouldn’t touch.” With this, Minhyuk began to pull away from the younger’s embrace only to find that he was trapped.

“Minnie, you didn’t break anything. Not me, not the other members, nothing. Just cause we aren’t in the mood-”

“Hyung! I never stop, you’re all so fed up, and I know you are. I just f-forget that I’m not supposed to touch. I just don’t want you to leave. Any of you. If I don’t feel you, you’re all gonna go away.”

Kihyun saw just then how deep it all went and brought him close to his chest, tracing lines and shapes into his back.

“Everyone started leaving before we even began, Hyunnie. Since the first moment, people were leaving.”

Of course they’d lost some of their closest friends. Everyone lost someone they were close to in No.mercy. They’d struggled to cope together, but to think that Minhyuk still thought that perhaps he’d be left again? All Kihyun could do was sit and hold and tell him no one was going anywhere.

So hours later, when the members trudged in from getting ice cream after dinner to find an entwined Minhyuk and Kihyun, whispering that everyone was here to stay, their clump grew, promises of staying together despite trials whispered into waiting arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, yeah. I hope you all liked it, and please please please, I'm open to suggestions! Come scream at me on twitter @kpops_snail and feel free to write requests. I'm a multi who knows a LOT of groups and if I don't know yours, I guarantee I'm probably working on them! Have a great rest of your day!!!


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